We had just finished a sailing tour around the south-West coast of Turkey when the unexpected happened. We’d left the boat and made our way by shuttle bus to the Dalaman airport, where we were meant to be picking up a hire car. We were feeling pretty good, excited for a road trip through Turkey that would take us to some very interesting and beautiful places.
I stepped up to the car rental desk like I’ve done many times before during our travels, and handed over my drivers’ license and credit card, with a quiet confidence of an experienced traveller. The Enterprise staff member typed away at his keyboard, the usual silent waiting as hey input my details into his system. I had drifted into my thoughts and was snapped back to reality when he grunted for my pin, handing over the EFTPOS machine. I typed it in, handed it back and went back to staring at the array of cars available for hire.
“No good,” he said, “do you have another card?” I wasn’t worried, this had happened many times before. Something about using an Australian card in an overseas system, someone had told me once.
“Can we try it again, please?” I asked. He shrugged and obliged and I went back to the chart on the back wall with the optional extras.
“No good, have you got another card?”
After weeks of looking forward to a thoroughly planned and well thought out road trip, our plan fell apart in a matter of minutes.
It wasn’t the first time our expectations had to be completely re-adjusted. There was the moment we decided to finish walking the Camino de Santiago, just one week into our pilgrimage. And then there was the time when a pre-arranged house sit was cancelled just three days into what was meant to be a three-week sit. We’ve gotten used to going back to the drawing board.
This time was different though. In the past, these were moments of anguish, of anger and upset, of feeling like our world was crashing in around us. But that day at the rental car desk, something had changed. We were able to acknowledge how we felt, and even express those feelings, before quickly moving to re-evaluate our options.
At first, honestly, I thought we’d be stuck in the airport for the weekend while we waited for funds to clear on the credit card. Then, I got mad. I removed myself and went to the bathroom, where I’m sure I frightened the man in the next cubicle with my grunting and cursing under my breath! I then returned to the bench where Jade was set up with our laptop, searching for alternative ways to resume our itinerary without the hire car.
In the end, we were able to book a series of busses, hotels and bnbs and day tours that would enable us to see and experience most of what we intended to see during our road trip. And for the most part, we didn’t miss having a car. In some instances, we actually saw more than what we could have seen by ourselves without a guide or tour.
It showed for us that we have experienced a massive learning curve and shift in our perspective. Things change, that’s a given. Moreover, bad things, annoying things, downright frustrating things, happen. I think what we’ve learned over these past ten months is that you don’t have to be a victim to those moments or to the feelings they arouse. In the past, disappointments and challenges weighed heavily on us. But in this most recent experience, we were able to move past that feeling and move into a mindset of choice: to actively take hold of the situation and determine what we wanted it to become.
Of course, this is more than just a travel tip. For me, I know there were many moments last year in work or study or in relationships, where I let myself play the victim and didn’t even consider the choices available to me to move past those more difficult situations. As a couple, we clung to those feelings or emotions that arose in the face of trial or challenge. We clung to the anger or frustration rather than moving through these to a healthier mindset.
Why do we do this? Why do we choose the more destructive mindset over moving forward and through the moment? Because it’s vindicating being the victim. It’s easier to shrug off your responsibilities if you feel like you’ve been wronged by a person or situation. Really, and what we’ve learned from our more recent experiences, is that playing the victim just stunts your growth.
The single most important reason for us taking this venture out into the world was to shift our lifestyle, so it’s reassuring to see how far we’ve come in our marriage just by taking the time to focus on us. The travel itself has been an incredible experience - but it’s a by-product of the journey we’re taking together. The most significant moments hands-down have been those moments where we’ve learned or experienced in a way that has spotlighted our values, taught us about who we are or encouraged us to continue doing those things that will help us in our marriage and life together moving forwards.
If you’re reading this and not travelling or not in a relationship and you’re wondering how this story about a failed rental applies to you, I guess what it’s really about is not getting bogged down in disappointments or the feelings that go along with those experiences. We always have the choice of what comes next, and even how we proceed forward in the type of mindset we carry and the way we treat ourselves and others through it.
